Several communities my family is associated with around the country have recently experienced the unexpected passing of loved ones. Because of these tragic losses, I can’t help but share the resources that we have been personally given in our own time of need 2 years ago.
Most recently, the horrific death of Kobe Bryant, his daughter Gianna, and 7 others has lead to people suffering around the world - not just for the tragic losses of the famous basketball legend, but for the other passengers as well. Because of this massive suffering, I wanted to make sure and re-post these important resources for those in need of solace.
Christina Mauser, "the Mother of Defense," was part of my family. Her uncle is one of my oldest and dearest friends, and even the godfather of one of my sons. In fact, her uncle was was driving home from attending by father-in-law's memorial, and supporting my family in our time of need, when he received the call of the helicopter crash and Christina's passing.
I've known the beautiful soul of Christina since she was 4 years old. She and I have spent time at family dinners as she grew up, had fun at family reunions, mourned the loss of other family members over the years, and most recently had done some work together. She was an amazing woman, loving wife, incredible mother of 3, daughter, sister and best friend to her brother, granddaughter, niece, cousin and friend. She was truly a special person. Although we KNOW that Christina, and the others are now God's Angels watching over us all, it doesn't change the fact that we need to find a way through the grief we all feel.
Unfortunately, part of life is death and at times unexpected accidents as well. Both change the course of our life. We feel devastated, filled with overwhelming grief and such sadness we can not function. Our life has now changed forever and our “plans” are halted. We know we can’t turn back the clock, no matter how hard we pray. At what point do we find rock bottom, so that we’re able to find our footing and push back up toward the surface?
One resource that our entire family found helpful 2 years ago when we experienced another tragic loss was the book Option B, Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, And Finding Joy. The book was co-written by Adam Grant and Sheryl Sandberg of Facebook, who unexpectedly lost her husband while on vacation in 2015. Adam is considered Wharton’s top professor at the University of Pennsylvania, and a psychologist who has studied the grieving process extensively. Option B (released April 2017) gave us strategies on how to begin the grieving process and make sense of the emotions we were feeling. Once we realized the power of Option B, we then shared the book with family members and many friends to help them cope as well during the difficult and overwhelming time we were all experiencing. I highly recommend sharing this book with anyone who has experienced the loss of a loved one. It got us through the worst of times back then, and I plan on sharing it again (and reading it again myself) to get through the loss of Christina.
My family was also graced with a visit from a dear friend who brought us more tools for dealing with loss. These resources were sent to us from an amazing woman, Sheila Martello, who lost her husband in the September 11, 2001 World Trade Center attack. Sheila, together with her friends she met in her support group she joined upon the passing of her husband, started a foundation called STEPHY’S PLACE, A Support Center for Grief and Loss located in Red Bank, New Jersey. www.stephysplace.org Although STEPHY’S PLACE has only been open since 2015, the support center has grown tremendously in the last four years, now offering more than 21 different support groups. The website provides many resources, so please visit this worthwhile non-profit whose goal is to help people find their way through the grieving process in a healthy way.
After recently talking with Sheila at length, she provided additional resources to help in the process of finding joy and happiness once more, when one might feel as if that is impossible to ever do again.
Sheila acknowledged that her two favorite books to recommend to those who just lost someone are the exact two she sent our way during our time of grief. They are both fantastic books.
365 Daily Meditations by Dr. Alan Wolfelt
Permission to Mourn by Tom Zuba (Another favorite book of mine that has helped tremendously)
Sheila also suggested for those looking for additional grieving resources to visit the following two websites:
Center for Loss and Life Transition run by Dr. Alan Wolfelt
Dr. Wolfelt has written over 60 books on grieving, puts on conferences and week-long seminars, as well as educates people on how to help others going through “the process.” This website is a wealth of information and resources on many subjects and types of loss.
This website helps you to find a support group near you. Sheila explains that a support group can become your lifeline when you have suddenly been thrown down into that dreadful “black hole.” Sheila educates that “when you suppress grief, you suppress growth,” so it is important to talk with others that know what you are experiencing to help you figure out the “If’s and Why’s of Grief.”
Above all, Sheila wants to remind those grieving that, “There are no rewards for speed.” It’s important to let yourself feel, and cry, and do whatever it is YOU NEED to do, because grieving is a very personal, necessary and individual process.
All in all, just remember, life is a journey. Sometimes it is a PROCESS, whether we are trying to heal the Mind, the Body, or the Spirit. But we do need to start somewhere. It is essential for overall health and long-term happiness. Personally, we found these resources to be a good starting point when dealing with grief.
To quote a friend of Sheryl Sandberg in Option B,
“Option A is not available. So let’s just kick the sh*t out of Option B.”
If you are looking to purchase any of the above-mentioned books, you can click on the name of any of the titles in the post and it will lead you directly to the book on Amazon.
In addition, you can find additional resources from these “grief experts” on
Triumph Over Health’s website at the following link under the GRIEVING SECTION.
Thank you @AdamMGrant @SherylSandberg and @InfoStephy for dedicating your life to helping people in their most trying times.
I ask that you please share this post with others you know that have lost someone near and dear to them. Having these critical resources at their disposal can be crucial to their being able to mentally make it another day. The pain is real and everlasting until we begin on the path of healing. Thank you in advance for helping those in need. And if you are the one in need, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. May your Guardian Angels surround you and help guide you and support you, and carry you when you need it most.
♥ Tina Buenzli
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